Kinda? But also not exactly. We can talk more when I get there, okay?
[Fortunately, Squall doesn't have to puzzle over that baffling non-answer for too long; Zell's at his room within half an hour, knocking on the door.] Yo, Squall, you in there?
[Squall is quick to go to the door when Zell arrives, having brought home some homemade cookies for them to share if Zell wanted something to munch on.]
[Zell smiles at Squall, but it's kind of anxious and fleeting in a way that says something heavy is on Zell's mind. He slips into Squall's room.] Yeah...uh, mostly, I guess. It's not like anything major happened or anything...
[He pauses.] Well, y'know, major for us. Seifer...had a nightmare about Ultimecia last night. He freaked out really bad. Ended up punching a mirror. I healed him up, he's fine and everything, but...
I was thinking about some of the stuff he said.
[He fidgets.] If I ask you a question...promise you won't laugh, okay?
[Zell's face is worried and he doesn't even really give Squall a hug when he walks in, not that it was mandatory but that cues him in pretty fast that somethings up before Zell even says so. He follows him to his room and sits on his own bed, patting a spot next to him for Zell to join him.]
That's...worrying still. He's probably going to have nightmares often for awhile....
[There is a frown as he gets comfortable and rubs his own chin, a sure sign he is worried himself.]
I won't laugh at whatever it is so ask away and thank you for caring about Seifer. You two could have woken me up if you needed. Maybe next time if tehre is one?
[To be fair, Squall, Zell is still adjusting to the you that is totally okay with hugs! It's still wild to him that they can just. HUG now. The last time he tried that back home, you bopped him in the head with the hilt of your gunblade.
But yeah, he is pretty preoccupied this morning, too.
He sits down next to Squall, and it is a sign that he's already adjusted some to this new Squall in how he immediately leans into his shoulder. Maybe it's a little worrying to see him need/want the comfort here, but there's something positive in Zell's going for it without hesitation, trusting Squall will be okay with it.] Yeah. I didn't realize until he freaked out and rushed into my room, but...yeah, makes total sense he'd have nightmares after what he went through. I guess he dreamed Ultimecia messed with him again...made him hurt me. He had to come - see I was still okay.
[He grimaces.] And yeah, I know we could've called you, but...Seifer doesn't wanna be coddled. Like, really doesn't wanna be coddled. When I suggested he sleep with me 'cause it might help... [He looks at a nondescript part of the floor, very pointedly Not At Squall.] Well, you should've heard him. I mean, he did sleep with me, that wasn't the problem, but when I made it sound like he might need it, might need us...he couldn't have reacted worse if he was allergic. No way would he have put up with having you called over in the middle of the night 'cause he had a bad dream. If you were there already, maybe, but not calling you out just to make him feel better.
[His hands are in his lap, one gripping the other, fidgeting slightly. The grip tightens.] Anyway, listen, I just wanted to ask...how do I make Seifer respect me? Y'know...like he respects you.
[The nervousness of Zell is almost adorable, or it would be if it wasn't for such a good reason that he was clearly worried over. He wraps an arm around his shoulder, doesn't pull him in however. He's just trying to give him some form of contact and support without ]
That's...man that's rough. I'm sorry you had that happen Zell. I mean I'm glad you were able to calm him down enough to rest again but I'm sorry he snapped at you.
[He pulls his legs onto the couch and closer to his chest, trying to figure out what could actually help Zell. It's been so long that he's not even sure he's good interacting with Seifer all the time.]
Seifer....is kinda like an abused and abandoned puppy. At least...that's how I picture it. He might bite your hand cause you got too close but it's not cause he hates you, it's his own fear. All I can really say is just keep showing you mean well, show that you can be trusted and let him come to you. As for the respect? I'm not sure I have it myself. We were rivals as long as I could remember so I just...assume it was that need to one up me or something in him that maybe turned to some form of respect, even if I don't see it.
[He looks over at Zell and ruffles his hair a little.] If anything I think he respects you more. He goes to you for comfort, not me. He's almost always with you and when it's just me and him? Well to be honest it gets awkward and I think that's mostly my own fault. He's different with you, he does respect you Zell. If anything I think he respects you more than me. Yeah he can be rude with the nicknames but it's hard to kick habits sometimes. [He sighs and leans back more into the couch.] It's hard to do and you're right to be upset in it bothering you but I don't think he really means any of it. He loves you.
[Zell listens carefully to everything Squall says...but one part of it makes him shake his head immediately. A lot of it is up to interpretation, or maybe stuff Zell can't see, but there's one part he knows is dead wrong.] Seifer doesn't go to anybody for comfort. We just give it to him anyway. And I'm just with him more, partly 'cause you live somewhere else and you know a lot of other people here while he and I don't, but I think part of it is also... [Zell scratches the back of his head, but he's careful not to dislodge Squall's arm around him. He likes it where it is.] I think he and I are just more alike than you are with either of us? We're both hotheads who're pretty physical. So I'm probably easier for him to understand than you, anyway. That's probably all the awkwardness is.
But...I know he respects you. You can't be rivals with somebody you don't see as an equal, y'know? And he's seen you as one for years, you know that. But he doesn't look at me that way. It's not just the nicknames. When I suggested him doing something that worked for me to help him...it was like I'd insulted him. Acted like the idea of doing that, of needing that, was pathetic. He's better than I am 'cause he doesn't need to stoop to the kinda stuff I do...that's how he's always been. I'm not as strong as he is - I mean, not like physically, but more than that - and he knows it. And even when he likes me - he still knows it. He can't stop knowing it. He probably wouldn't have acted like that if he hadn't been freaking out, 'cause he's not trying to be a dick about it, but he was freaking out and he made it obvious.
You can like someone - even love them - without respecting them, I think. Lots of people like Headmaster Cid, but not too many people respect him, y'know? But I don't wanna have Seifer look at me like that all the time. Even if he tries to pretend he's not. So I wanna figure out how to prove to him that if he gets compared to me, or if he does something I do...it's not some kinda automatic insult to him. I think if he did something you did, he'd feel like it made him stronger...but with me, he thinks it'll make him weaker. I wanna prove him wrong.
[Squall honestly doesn't know how to deal with this. Zell had a point, and he can see where he is coming from but he doesn't know how to help. He's never been good with people or trying to do what Zell is in gaining respect. He frowns and rubs at his scar as he tries to think of what to say.]
I mean...Maybe he doesn't acknowledge you give him comfort but you do. The way he acted around you in the mansion is so different how he acts around me. Hell, you two are dating before me and Seifer even know what we're doing. I noticed how he looks at you Zell, he cares deeply for you and I don't think I really agree about loving someone without respecting them. If you didn't respect someone I can't see a relationship ever working out. It wouldn't be right....[He thinks back on his own relationships, mainly his with Rinoa and to him that was a case of love with no respect.] I think that's what me and Rinoa had. I...still can't really explain my own feelings but with her I felt more like an object, a status symbol. When I think of my relationship with Cloud though I don't feel like that. He cares about me and sometimes it's hard to always notice but he does and I'm someone he can come to when he needs it. I never felt that way with Rinoa. I shouldered a lot by myself with her and ti shouldn't be like that. You and Seifer I think fit more along with me and Cloud.
[He just sighs once more and closes his eyes] I doubt I'm helping you at all right now. Maybe you two are just so similar you're butting heads or maybe you're right and he doesn't respect you. I don't agree with it but if that is the case then go be stern with him. Tell him it's not okay for him to say those things. That's what I would do. It might start an argument but I think he likes it when he sees someone stand up to him. It shows a strength there. You're one of the strongest people I know so I know you can do it. I have full trust that it will work out. Just remember some things that work for you might not work for others, but he shouldn't just be dismissive over it.
It is...? [Zell blinks. Seifer had been around both of them at the mansion, so Zell hadn't really observed how Seifer acted around the both of them as being distinct between the two of them...but maybe Squall picked up on stuff he'd missed. Or had noticed it only directed at Zell.]
But...that's kinda what I'm afraid of. That a relationship without respect won't work out...that's why I gotta make him respect me. I don't... [He fidgets.] I don't wanna lose him.
...you really think I'm worrying for nothing? [It is reassuring to hear that Squall perceives Zell and Seifer as having a relationship of equals, but...it's hard for Zell to scrub the way Seifer looked from his mind. The way he sounded, and the words he said.]
You are helping, though. Both 'cause it's just...nice being able to talk about it and hear what you think, but also 'cause you're right. He does like it when people stand up to him. [Zell sits up a little straighter, squaring his shoulders.] So if he doesn't respect me...then telling him off is gonna help. If he does, then...I dunno. [He pauses.] Maybe he'll get mad I thought he didn't, but...I guess maybe he'll explain why he said the stuff he said. [He leans a little more into Squall.] Thanks, Squall.
Zell....[How Seifer could ever turn down Zell for anything would seem impossible for Squall to comprehend. He can hardly say no or give him bad news either when he's looking like he is now and those words are so genuine and sweet too.]
Seifer loves you and I'd bet my triple triad collection on that. He's not going to let you go. You won't lose him Zell, I can promise you it. In fact it's a guarantee.
[Squall wraps an arm around Zell's waist, not fully encircling him since Zell is a built yet compact man.] No worries Zell, I'm glad I could help somehow and I'll be here when you do talk to him in case you need back up or just want someone there who has your back. I don't want to lose either of you two either and I won't push you both away this time. I'm not going to do that ever again.
Your Triple Triad collection, huh? [Zell cracks a grin up at him.] You must really mean it.
[It feels good, being held by Squall like this, and Zell finally leans against him fully, resting his head against the other man's shoulder. He really does feel better - both reassured that things will work out okay in the end, and like he has something concrete he can do to make things better, And, of course, he's got Squall at his back.
At his side, too. Quite literally, at the moment. And, as Zell's worries about Seifer ease...he's starting to take a lot more notice of the guy he's currently with. Specifically that boy the shoulder under his head is big and broad. Squall's really filled out in those years he missed.
In short, it's starting to treacle-drip its way into Zell's head that he's with a hot guy he likes and is dating who's being very sweet to him, and he's no longer so preoccupied with his issues with a different guy to shield him from being affected by it.]
I mean...you're not gonna lose us, either. We're not going anywhere. Even if you do try to push us away. We're too stubborn to go.
Of course I mean it. I'm not going to lie to you about something this important.
[Squall's own eyes close as he leans more against Zell, just enjoying the time together. His hand goes over to Zell's and he entwins their fingers, just a slight touch at the moment. He still doesn't want to push his luck with Zell but he does want to be close to him. They are boyfriends aren't they? He is allowed a little bit of touch.]
I'll remember that and try not to be too difficult for you both but...no promises right now. Sometimes I don't even realize how stubborn I am.
I know, I know. I was just teasing you about how serious you are about your cards. [Zell grins at him.
And then Squall...laces their fingers together, and Zell starts to blush. It's so...tender of a gesture. He feels like he's still not used to this new Squall, in how he's always surprising him...but the surprises are always good ones, so it's not like he's complaining. More like...it's because this Squall is always pleasantly surprising him that he wants to get to know him better. Maybe to the point where he's not surprised by him at all anymore.
He looks at Squall, who's got his eyes closed right now. And...shit. It's tempting...and they are dating, right? So maybe it's stupid to get hung up on worrying about it, because it's the kind of thing boyfriends do, isn't it? So he just...does it.
He leans up and kisses Squall, lightly, on the side of the mouth. He pulls back pretty quickly, his face on fire.]
[Just being next to Zell and feeling him against his shoulder is enough to make Squall feel pretty nice. It's rough sometimes and having someone he can just relax with and cuddle is nice. He has others for it as well but Zell is different, he was always a ball of sunshine and so energetic that seeing him more calm and relaxed is really refreshing.
With how Zen Squall is, he doesn't expect the kiss and at first doesn't react, taking a moment to even realize it happened and when he does his eyes open and his hand instinctively reached for the spot Zell kissed him at, a feint pinkness to his own cheeks.]
Zell?
[He looks over at him and notices the way Zell is much more red and embarrassed and so he does what he think might take the shyness away from them both and leans in to kiss the tip of Zell's nose. Is it going to help? No, probably not.]
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timeasmymeasure
Re: @fistfight
Date: 2022-12-05 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-06 12:30 pm (UTC)[Fortunately, Squall doesn't have to puzzle over that baffling non-answer for too long; Zell's at his room within half an hour, knocking on the door.] Yo, Squall, you in there?
no subject
Date: 2022-12-08 07:31 pm (UTC)[Squall is quick to go to the door when Zell arrives, having brought home some homemade cookies for them to share if Zell wanted something to munch on.]
Hey, you okay?
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Date: 2022-12-09 02:34 am (UTC)[He pauses.] Well, y'know, major for us. Seifer...had a nightmare about Ultimecia last night. He freaked out really bad. Ended up punching a mirror. I healed him up, he's fine and everything, but...
I was thinking about some of the stuff he said.
[He fidgets.] If I ask you a question...promise you won't laugh, okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-12-09 07:56 pm (UTC)That's...worrying still. He's probably going to have nightmares often for awhile....
[There is a frown as he gets comfortable and rubs his own chin, a sure sign he is worried himself.]
I won't laugh at whatever it is so ask away and thank you for caring about Seifer. You two could have woken me up if you needed. Maybe next time if tehre is one?
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Date: 2022-12-10 12:47 pm (UTC)But yeah, he is pretty preoccupied this morning, too.
He sits down next to Squall, and it is a sign that he's already adjusted some to this new Squall in how he immediately leans into his shoulder. Maybe it's a little worrying to see him need/want the comfort here, but there's something positive in Zell's going for it without hesitation, trusting Squall will be okay with it.] Yeah. I didn't realize until he freaked out and rushed into my room, but...yeah, makes total sense he'd have nightmares after what he went through. I guess he dreamed Ultimecia messed with him again...made him hurt me. He had to come - see I was still okay.
[He grimaces.] And yeah, I know we could've called you, but...Seifer doesn't wanna be coddled. Like, really doesn't wanna be coddled. When I suggested he sleep with me 'cause it might help... [He looks at a nondescript part of the floor, very pointedly Not At Squall.] Well, you should've heard him. I mean, he did sleep with me, that wasn't the problem, but when I made it sound like he might need it, might need us...he couldn't have reacted worse if he was allergic. No way would he have put up with having you called over in the middle of the night 'cause he had a bad dream. If you were there already, maybe, but not calling you out just to make him feel better.
[His hands are in his lap, one gripping the other, fidgeting slightly. The grip tightens.] Anyway, listen, I just wanted to ask...how do I make Seifer respect me? Y'know...like he respects you.
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Date: 2022-12-15 03:03 pm (UTC)That's...man that's rough. I'm sorry you had that happen Zell. I mean I'm glad you were able to calm him down enough to rest again but I'm sorry he snapped at you.
[He pulls his legs onto the couch and closer to his chest, trying to figure out what could actually help Zell. It's been so long that he's not even sure he's good interacting with Seifer all the time.]
Seifer....is kinda like an abused and abandoned puppy. At least...that's how I picture it. He might bite your hand cause you got too close but it's not cause he hates you, it's his own fear. All I can really say is just keep showing you mean well, show that you can be trusted and let him come to you. As for the respect? I'm not sure I have it myself. We were rivals as long as I could remember so I just...assume it was that need to one up me or something in him that maybe turned to some form of respect, even if I don't see it.
[He looks over at Zell and ruffles his hair a little.] If anything I think he respects you more. He goes to you for comfort, not me. He's almost always with you and when it's just me and him? Well to be honest it gets awkward and I think that's mostly my own fault. He's different with you, he does respect you Zell. If anything I think he respects you more than me. Yeah he can be rude with the nicknames but it's hard to kick habits sometimes. [He sighs and leans back more into the couch.] It's hard to do and you're right to be upset in it bothering you but I don't think he really means any of it. He loves you.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-15 03:31 pm (UTC)But...I know he respects you. You can't be rivals with somebody you don't see as an equal, y'know? And he's seen you as one for years, you know that. But he doesn't look at me that way. It's not just the nicknames. When I suggested him doing something that worked for me to help him...it was like I'd insulted him. Acted like the idea of doing that, of needing that, was pathetic. He's better than I am 'cause he doesn't need to stoop to the kinda stuff I do...that's how he's always been. I'm not as strong as he is - I mean, not like physically, but more than that - and he knows it. And even when he likes me - he still knows it. He can't stop knowing it. He probably wouldn't have acted like that if he hadn't been freaking out, 'cause he's not trying to be a dick about it, but he was freaking out and he made it obvious.
You can like someone - even love them - without respecting them, I think. Lots of people like Headmaster Cid, but not too many people respect him, y'know? But I don't wanna have Seifer look at me like that all the time. Even if he tries to pretend he's not. So I wanna figure out how to prove to him that if he gets compared to me, or if he does something I do...it's not some kinda automatic insult to him. I think if he did something you did, he'd feel like it made him stronger...but with me, he thinks it'll make him weaker. I wanna prove him wrong.
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Date: 2022-12-15 03:47 pm (UTC)I mean...Maybe he doesn't acknowledge you give him comfort but you do. The way he acted around you in the mansion is so different how he acts around me. Hell, you two are dating before me and Seifer even know what we're doing. I noticed how he looks at you Zell, he cares deeply for you and I don't think I really agree about loving someone without respecting them. If you didn't respect someone I can't see a relationship ever working out. It wouldn't be right....[He thinks back on his own relationships, mainly his with Rinoa and to him that was a case of love with no respect.] I think that's what me and Rinoa had. I...still can't really explain my own feelings but with her I felt more like an object, a status symbol. When I think of my relationship with Cloud though I don't feel like that. He cares about me and sometimes it's hard to always notice but he does and I'm someone he can come to when he needs it. I never felt that way with Rinoa. I shouldered a lot by myself with her and ti shouldn't be like that. You and Seifer I think fit more along with me and Cloud.
[He just sighs once more and closes his eyes] I doubt I'm helping you at all right now. Maybe you two are just so similar you're butting heads or maybe you're right and he doesn't respect you. I don't agree with it but if that is the case then go be stern with him. Tell him it's not okay for him to say those things. That's what I would do. It might start an argument but I think he likes it when he sees someone stand up to him. It shows a strength there. You're one of the strongest people I know so I know you can do it. I have full trust that it will work out. Just remember some things that work for you might not work for others, but he shouldn't just be dismissive over it.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 10:45 pm (UTC)But...that's kinda what I'm afraid of. That a relationship without respect won't work out...that's why I gotta make him respect me. I don't... [He fidgets.] I don't wanna lose him.
...you really think I'm worrying for nothing? [It is reassuring to hear that Squall perceives Zell and Seifer as having a relationship of equals, but...it's hard for Zell to scrub the way Seifer looked from his mind. The way he sounded, and the words he said.]
You are helping, though. Both 'cause it's just...nice being able to talk about it and hear what you think, but also 'cause you're right. He does like it when people stand up to him. [Zell sits up a little straighter, squaring his shoulders.] So if he doesn't respect me...then telling him off is gonna help. If he does, then...I dunno. [He pauses.] Maybe he'll get mad I thought he didn't, but...I guess maybe he'll explain why he said the stuff he said. [He leans a little more into Squall.] Thanks, Squall.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-30 06:26 pm (UTC)Seifer loves you and I'd bet my triple triad collection on that. He's not going to let you go. You won't lose him Zell, I can promise you it. In fact it's a guarantee.
[Squall wraps an arm around Zell's waist, not fully encircling him since Zell is a built yet compact man.] No worries Zell, I'm glad I could help somehow and I'll be here when you do talk to him in case you need back up or just want someone there who has your back. I don't want to lose either of you two either and I won't push you both away this time. I'm not going to do that ever again.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-07 09:11 pm (UTC)[It feels good, being held by Squall like this, and Zell finally leans against him fully, resting his head against the other man's shoulder. He really does feel better - both reassured that things will work out okay in the end, and like he has something concrete he can do to make things better, And, of course, he's got Squall at his back.
At his side, too. Quite literally, at the moment. And, as Zell's worries about Seifer ease...he's starting to take a lot more notice of the guy he's currently with. Specifically that boy the shoulder under his head is big and broad. Squall's really filled out in those years he missed.
In short, it's starting to treacle-drip its way into Zell's head that he's with a hot guy he likes and is dating who's being very sweet to him, and he's no longer so preoccupied with his issues with a different guy to shield him from being affected by it.]
I mean...you're not gonna lose us, either. We're not going anywhere. Even if you do try to push us away. We're too stubborn to go.
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Date: 2023-01-26 03:16 pm (UTC)[Squall's own eyes close as he leans more against Zell, just enjoying the time together. His hand goes over to Zell's and he entwins their fingers, just a slight touch at the moment. He still doesn't want to push his luck with Zell but he does want to be close to him. They are boyfriends aren't they? He is allowed a little bit of touch.]
I'll remember that and try not to be too difficult for you both but...no promises right now. Sometimes I don't even realize how stubborn I am.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-08 09:22 am (UTC)And then Squall...laces their fingers together, and Zell starts to blush. It's so...tender of a gesture. He feels like he's still not used to this new Squall, in how he's always surprising him...but the surprises are always good ones, so it's not like he's complaining. More like...it's because this Squall is always pleasantly surprising him that he wants to get to know him better. Maybe to the point where he's not surprised by him at all anymore.
He looks at Squall, who's got his eyes closed right now. And...shit. It's tempting...and they are dating, right? So maybe it's stupid to get hung up on worrying about it, because it's the kind of thing boyfriends do, isn't it? So he just...does it.
He leans up and kisses Squall, lightly, on the side of the mouth. He pulls back pretty quickly, his face on fire.]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-16 03:05 am (UTC)With how Zen Squall is, he doesn't expect the kiss and at first doesn't react, taking a moment to even realize it happened and when he does his eyes open and his hand instinctively reached for the spot Zell kissed him at, a feint pinkness to his own cheeks.]
Zell?
[He looks over at him and notices the way Zell is much more red and embarrassed and so he does what he think might take the shyness away from them both and leans in to kiss the tip of Zell's nose. Is it going to help? No, probably not.]